After reading Rick’s blog about his picks for worst movies, I was inspired to do a blog of my own on the topic. So here goes, my picks for some of the worst movies I’ve ever been subjected to (and most of them can probably be found on Dish Network’s premium channels such as HBO, Starz, Showtime, or Cinemax on any given day: -House of the Dead- the first time I’ve ever wanted to walk out of a movie theater and demand my money back. How did this movie get made? Oh wait, it was directed by Uwe Boll – I should have known better. -Catwoman – Halle Berry as Catwoman. This should have, by all accounts, been cool. Instead you had bad CGI fights, terrible dialogue, and Sharon Stone overacting. -Date Movie- just terrible. -Meet the Spartans –just as bad as Date Movie.
How do these movies keep getting funded by the studio? -Epic Movie- see above.-Norbit- I’m sorry, but Eddie Murphy has fallen so low it’s not even funny anymore. I grew up on Beverly Hills Cop…now he just does crap like this, Meet Dave, Daddy Day Camp, The Haunted Mansion…the list goes on. Norbit is easily the worst of the bunch though. I mean, he plays an Asian guy. Seriously? -Don’t Mess with the Zohan – I wanted to gouge my eyes out. Somebody tell Adam Sandler that he is not funny and needs to stop laughing at his own jokes (you too, Jimmy Fallon!) -Batman and Robin – okay, so the over the top campiness worked in Batman Returns and Batman Forever…here it’s just silly and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze is just laughable. -I Know Who Killed Me – Lindsey Lohan’s last ditch attempt at success. She failed. -White Chicks- I watched this with a group of people who were laughing so hard they were practically peeing themselves.
I looked around and wondered if I was the only sane person left in the world. -The Fog- okay so at the end we find out that the lead chick who has gone through her entire life, dated the lead character, gone to college, etc. is a GHOST? Huh? How does this even make sense? -Boogeyman- this could have played on all our childhood fears (who wasn’t afraid of the Boogeyman under their bed?) and been extremely creepy. Instead it just had bad CGI and a stupid plot. -The Polar Express- this movie just creeps me out. -Castaway- overrated and boring. -Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed- I actually liked the first one. The sequel…just say no. -What Women Want- halfway through this movie I really didn’t care what women OR Mel Gibson wanted. -Godzilla- again, another movie that had the potential to be highly cool and instead was dead on arrival.-Horsemen- this Dennis Quaid direct-to-video thriller started out promising and completely fell apart. And who’s idea was it to cast the 30 year-old Ziyi Zhang as a 16 year-old? (not to mention her character was supposed to have come to America when she was adopted by an American family at 8 years old yet she still had an accent as if she was just learning the English language) -Transformers 2 – Most. Disappointing. Sequel. Ever. Care to add any more to the list?
By: Frank Bilotta
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So here goes, my picks for some of the worst movies I’ve ever been subjected to (and most of them can probably be found on Dish Network’s premium channels such as HBO, Starz, Showtime, or Cinemax oniven day: